loa_log

Hi World,

How was your 2024?

I’ve always wanted to do an year-end reflection. I always think I’d do it sometime at the beginning of December, but by the time it’s actually the end of the month I forget to do so. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one.

Well, this year, I’m doing it right here.

I Googled “year end reflection” and chose a link, which got me to this website. Below are the prompts:

1. What are the highlights from this past year?
2. What accomplishments am I most proud of?
3. What didn’t go as planned? Why?
4. What relationships have meant the most to you this year?
5. Who has helped you? How have you helped others?
6. What are the lowlights or the biggest challenges from the last year?

If you have the time and motivation, join me in looking back at this past year. It doesn’t have to be right now, at the end of the year. It can be next year, or whenever you have the time and space to actually think and reflect.

Here are my answers:

1. What are the highlights from this past year?

February to April was the highlight for me this year.

I was able to travel the most during this time. (Which I almost forgot, is what I love to do.)

In February, I drove from Kagoshima to Fukuoka to head back to Hawaii for a bit. There I did a little side gig, made some money, hung out with friends, and celebrated my birthday. From there I flew to South Korea, spent two weeks in Seoul and Busan. Once I was back in Japan, it was sakura season and I got to spend several days looking for some good flower viewing spots. Also went to Huis Ten Busch in Nagasaki for the first time. I’m usually not too excited about amusement parks, but Huis Ten Busch was amazing, especially with all the flower arrangements they had for the spring season.

2. What accomplishments am I most proud of?

Right now, I am most proud of starting this.

As someone that is very unsure of myself, although I have always wanted to start a travel blog/vlog, I never got to the posting step. I’d write, film, edit and end up with an okay product, but I never thought it was worth posting.

I finally took the advice I’ve read in multiple self-help books and just started. I chose to blog instead of vlogging since it seemed much easier to start. I hope I can get to vlogging and other forms of content in the near future too.

3. What didn’t go as planned? Why?

I came to Japan to travel, but I haven’t been doing much traveling lately.

Mainly because I have taken on the role as a caretaker first to my grandmother, and now to my dad. Nobody forced me into this position, but I kind of just fell into it. I sometimes see it as an excuse I use for myself to not be doing other things because I’m tied to this place.

When I thought about traveling in Japan, my image was: van-life, always being on the road, and going to all the touristy spots. Now I need to improvise, “travel” and sightsee in the area I am in now. When I’m in Kagoshima, I always end up going to the same restaurants, super markets, and onsens, but I want to get out of that comfort zone and try out new places in the area and share my experiences with whoever’s there to listen.

4. What relationships have meant the most to you this year?

My relationship with family and friends have changed drastically this year.

I always thought family is family, and things don’t really change that much, but after my grandmother’s death at the end of 2023 the family dynamic on my mom’s side changed quite a bit. The siblings had a falling out over the inheritance and from what I know, they aren’t very happy with each other. I believe they’ll come together eventually, but it may take some time.

This year is also the first time that I felt like I really needed to be there for my dad. He found out that he has cancer in 2022, but was able to live on his own until earlier this year.

As I made the decision to take care of my dad, my other family members and friends became worried about me. It is difficult to be with someone that has a terminal illness and is in pain all the time. They become more and more demanding and you tend to not have time for yourself, as you tend to all of someone else’s needs. Although I want my dad to live his life to the fullest, I also don’t want my existence at his home to be a burden on him and vise versa. We are still trying to figure out a way for him to keep his independence while I provide the care he needs.

Through these times, the friends that were there to talk to me on the phone when I haven’t talked to anybody aside from my dad, his doctors and nurses were a lifesaver. Just listening to someone talk about something aside from illness and pain was the mental break I needed at the time.

5. Who has helped you? How have you helped others?

Before I made the decision to live-in with my dad, there were several times that the pain from his stomach was so unbearable that he was unable to move for a few days. The problem was that he wouldn’t let anybody know of what he was going through. Maybe he wasn’t even able to open his phone to call or send a message, and it may be partially our (my family’s) fault for not reaching out to him periodically to see how he’s doing.

The people that have been so helpful during these times when my dad was in pain and none of his family members were nearby, were the friends he has made since he moved back to Kyushu. His friends who live as close as 30 minutes away and as far as 2 hours took the initiative to go and check in on him. Some brought food that he might be able to eat, gave him massages and even spent the night to watch over him until I was able to drive or fly over from wherever I was.

There is nothing I can say or give to them that will equal the appreciation and guilt that I felt in those times, but I try to give back to them in my own way through supporting them in what they are working towards.

I don’t think I was much help to others this year, aside from my dad…but there are small daily occurrences that I was able to help others in. Helping my aunt and cousins plan their trip to Korea, helping a lady that passed out at the changing room at the onsen, and helping tourists around Japan take pictures of themselves are my small wins this year.

6. What are the lowlights or the biggest challenges from the last year?

The biggest challenge for me this year was trying to find enjoyment. I was supposed to be living the dream that I worked several years to fund, but even when I didn’t have the normal obligations of a 30-year-old such as a job, children, bills and all that kind of stuff, I was lost in the things that I thought I needed to do like caring for my dad, following him on his tour, opening a Japanese bank account and the list goes on and on…

It was to the point that I couldn’t enjoy the moments that I know I would have otherwise. I would go to see attractions, but was too tired to fully explore and enjoy my time there. Food had taste, but it never tasted great, even if it was something that I loved… The information from the books I read entered my brain and left within the day. The hours seemed long, but the days passed in the blink of an eye. Everyday, every week, I would look back and feel as if I’d done nothing.

I’m sure there are still going to be days that feel like that, but I am working on taking care of myself, so I can dig myself out of those depressive states. I’m sticking to the universal recommendation for people trying to become healthier: sunlight, exercise and a balanced diet while drinking as much water as possible.

Here’s to ending 2024 on a good note.

See you in 2025!